THE LIFE OF A NO TYPE
“It is better to feel pain than nothing at all, the opposite of love is indifference” from the Stubborn Love, title track of The Lumineers’ song. As the younger generation is far wild and free, most of them posted relationship goals and status about falling in and out of love, how stubborn or how great they love in different social media sites. Inevitably, Love is a part life, love has been a hot issue traced back from the history’s great stories of love like Bonnie and Clyde, Cleopatra and Anthony, Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson, Paris and Helen, Daphne and Apollo, Romeo and Juliet…
All of these couples are united with love with their desire; meaning their own type like sexy, smart, chivalrous, serious, enigmatic are some various reasons of why are we attracted to someone. The other side would be what if you have no type at all, not the Sremm life way? What if you have no attraction at all? In ANY SEXES...
Wendy, not her real name, 19 years old declared herself as an asexual. According to her asexuality is a sexual orientation who does not have sexual attraction in any kind of sexes.
“Naa-aatract din sya pero hindi nya iniisip na magkaroon ng sexual contact o relationship sa isang tao; Asexual nga ako”- Wendy (“We are in a sense attracted but not in a sexual way or thinking about engaging in a relationship with anyone; I am an asexual”- Wendy)
Asexuality is only 1% percent of the population (Williams College); considerably rare and most people does not know that it actually exist, she has been struggling to say that she’s an asexual. Most people would say “what is that?” and then she has to explain everything to them as a result she has to keep it to herself because no one knows about it, providently they can’t understand her.
In spite of being the least in percentage, surprisingly members of the asexual community usually comes out.
“minsan mapagkakamalan ka, ako kasi ayoko ng label, ayoko ng inaasar so, sinasabi ko na lang na hindi ako ganon”- Wendy (“Sometimes people will mistake you as one, I hate teasing, I hate people labeling me so, I am saying that I am not that”-Wendy)
If asexuals doesn’t have a type, their lifestyle is no different from a single free individual.
“Depende sa tao, ang lifestyle ko party lang, tapos games games, single life”- Wendy (It depends upon the person, my way is party, games games, single life”-Wendy)
“Gusto ko na lang din magpakasaya, alam ko kasi yung nangyayari kapag hindi ako committed”
(I just wanted to have fun, I know what are the consequences of being committed”- Wendy) she added.
Unfortunately there are asexuals who feel they do not belong in the society. Usually in a group of friends love is their topic. Girls talk about their crushes during their chat time, as an asexual she’s like:
“Hindi ko alam yung feeling ng kinikilig kapag nandyan si crush”-Wendy (“I don’t know that feeling of stupidly silly rush when your crush is there”- Wendy)
Lastly, when your friends are waiting for your turn to share your breath-taking “andyan na si crush” experience:
“wala akong ma-share sa kwentuhan” (I don’t have something that I can share-Wendy) is her always and never-ending reply.
“Wala akong crush” (“I don’t have someone I admired”-Wendy) she added.
Evidently, the fluidity of gender is a real issue when in your community an outcast remains. Asexuality, is just one of the things that people should be aware of. We may be currently left behind but as we explore, I do believe we can be truly one step ahead of humanity.
What is asexuality? to watch the video Click Here
Wendy is not alone, she has a best friend whom she can share her talks and laughs with. Irene is always by her side since high school. They play online games together, they eat lunch during breaktime and discuss their favorite anime looking like a creep frustrated impersonators of anime characters in the hallway. They say that it doesn’t matter if you look so wack with your best friend as long as you’re both in cracked and together laughing your asses off. I wonder if Irene has long enough known her so much, so much that she would have also understand her instead of judging her.
Suspicious enough to say that they are talking about her, Wendy has been an outcast in their class. She has found her best friend spread rumors of her being in love with her. Irene did that but according to Wendy ,
“sobrang bait nya at hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok sa pag-iisip nya at nag-isip sya ng ganon” she said (She’s too kind and I don’t know what comes into her mind to think like that”- Wendy)
In spite of the fact that they are “just friends”. Well in that case, just because someone is friends with a nice person doesn’t mean they are nice too, sometimes they’re friends because the person’s nice enough to have them.
If people really know about this they would have avoid misconceptions. Asking random senior students about their awareness and opinion on asexuality was conducted inside the campus. Selected senior students of AB Communication in University of the East-Caloocan ages 19-21 years old was ambushed responded the following:
For Girlie Anne who is not aware of asexuality said,
“Hindi, kasi ang hirap naman nung hindi ka ma-attract sa iba” finds no attraction in any gender as a difficulty in someone’s life. In case she met someone who’s asexual she said “Irerespeto ko sila, baka nga nag undergo pa sila ng identity crisis”.
For Alen, who is aware of asexuality but finds them who’s someone who doesn’t love at all. Still she strongly believes that no attraction preference exist.
Jimboy, who is not aware of asexuality said ,
“Talaga may ganon?” surpringly asking me “Hindi ba pa parang defense mechanism lang yon but then he said “Siguro at first hindi ako maniniwala, pero depende kung papaano nya ako iko-convince na ganun sya” for him it depends on the person itself on how he will believe them.?”
Crishia Danavanne, who’s not aware of asexuality; finds it impossible,
“Hala manhid sya, kasi imposible na yung isang tao na hindi maa-attract sa kahit anong sex kasi natural occurence natin na ma-attract ka sa opposite o same sex” she said. “hala ise-search ko yan! pero ang first impression ko is ang weird parang hindi sya natural”still gets curious and bewildered in the end.
Llloyd Vincent, who is not aware and not a believer of asexuality said,
“Hindi ako maniniwala, hala totoo? or ang iisipin ko na lang baka hindi nya lang type yun”. According to bim If he met someone he said, “kung hindi ko sya kilala, pag kilala ko baka hindi ko i-judge”.
France, aware of asexuality but has a conservative view said,
“Sa akin parang ok lang kung yun yung preference nila pero sayang lang kasi parang you’re missing one part sa buhay one aspect of your life,parang its a gift being in love, being attracted to someone well ako kasi as a christian ang stand ko kasi is opposite sex although hindi ko naman dine-deny yng fact na may third sex pero I would not like to tolerate yung ganon”. she added, “Ok lang naman kung ganon pero its a good feeling to be in loved and to be loved in a romantic way” which is one of the bitter reality.
Glenda, who is not aware and has a self-loving mechanism view about asexuality said,
“Parang mahal na mahal nila yung sarili nila? parang nakakagulat lang noh? pero para hindi mo i-pursue yung ganon parang ang hirap naman na hindi ka ma-attract”.
Lalaine, who is aware and has a liberal view of asexuality said,
“Kasi lahat naman tayo may individual preferences, hindi mo naman kailangan na mag-confirm sa sinasabi ng society, kung sa kanila yun yung perspective so possible yun”.
According to her she’s curious about asexuality if she met someone she said,
“21st century na tayo so no time na to judge or hate pa sa mga bagay na hindi natin naiintindihan”.
In this world full of “ano yun? ngayon ko lang narinig yun”, Imposible yun”, she needs to defend herself, “may maniniwala ba pag sinabi ko” she said.
Knowing how unexistent she might be, she remained silent and let them say anything because no one will believe her words that she naturally doesn’t have an interest in any sexes; they are just friends period. She already accepted the fact that no one will believe her claims anyway.
Wondering about how stuff works, we need an expert opinion; Mr. Gerald Dizon, a social science professor in University of the East. Only few is aware about asexuality according to Mr. Dizon,
“Hindi kasi common, usually kasi lalo na pag guwapo, nai-inlove, magkaka-crush, papasok sa relasyon tapos masasaktan, sa babae naman kapag sexy, maganda at syempre may criteria sila yung iba naman wala basta nain-love lang sila”
most of the people views love exist with desire he added..
Asexuality is unusual but it exist, this cases happened for a reason he said,”It can be an experience kasi may teacher ako before na gusto nyang mag-asawa pero nakikita nya yung negative as a woman, nag madre sya yun ang nangyari”.
Among the powerful external forces of society that can change their perspectives in this new millenium era, no other than media. He said the role of media should be ,
“Dapat tanggapin, kasi kung may stereotyping; hindi din maganda tignan yung discrimination”.
Wendy was bullied and ostracized by the same society we lived in. Media an influential tool, has played a part in inducing how human sexuality should be. Asexuals has find it hard to defend themselves as the media contributes and such external factors do form misconceptions in their minds.
What an asexual fighting for is to be accepted like how we recognize people who love both sexes(bisexuals), opposite sex (heterosexuals), same sexes(homosexuals), any sexes(pansexuals) in equal terms as accepting them as an asexual who naturally doesn’t have an attraction to any of the sexes.
For the audio of the survey interview.
MISCONCEPTIONS OF ASEXUALITY
Base on how people viewed asexuality to wrap it up what are the common misconceptions they receive. Base on my research they are often called as “aromantics” and the worst they practice “celibacy”.
What is celibacy?, to celibate is a practice, a practice made by nuns and monks. Asexuality is a preference, it is not a choice made the same as celibacy. Asexuals can practice celibacy If they want, but being asexual is a sexual orientation, it is definitely not their choice.
To enlighten them, aromantic is someone who doesn’t feel love. Judgemental associated being asexuality means you’re aromantic. In a sense they do not develop attraction to any of the sexes, still it is not. Asexuals love their families and make friends as well. As for love there are different kinds of love such as eros, storge, philia, etc. Loving your friends and family is also love, not in a sexual way. It is just most people viewed love with sex, whereas friendship and family is also a form of love, love in a world without sex.
“The definition of love should not be confined with sex” as Mr. Tolentino elaborated.
THE PERSPECTIVE OF AN LGBT COMMUNITY MEMBER
Cris Evert Tolentino is a senior AB Communication student; a freelance host and a presumptious speaker. Honed with the different culture of schools he’s been to, dedicating his life embracing cultural studies and other fields of social sciences; is also a pride of LGBT community.
Third sex community has been there. They have also experienced the dicriminations of the society we lived in, rightfully their opinion is as important how a member of the community viewed asexuality. Aware of asexuality, Mr. Tolentino gives emphasis on gender he said,
“The fluidity of gender is something that just cannot be confined with one definition it is wide in nature, wide in horizon”.
Breaking the barriers of the gender he said,
“I mean kapag sinabi kasing gender preference usually ang opinion ng tao is about love. It’s not confined with love we can also extend beyond the confinement of love”.
On why asexuals usually come out:
“I think yung box na nilagay ng society when it comes sa pagiging homosexual is a big factor kung papano magre-reveal o lalabas sa closet ang isang homosexual now with regards dun sa asexuals with their revelations as asexuals I think mas accepted sya ng society in the sense na kasi hindi sila attracted wether sa male o sa female”.
For Mr. Tolentino, society is naturally judgmental but in a sense,
“Regardless of who you are merong acceptance and at the same time discrimination. I mean is the diffrence is yung levelling lang. Yung level of acceptance how society views a specific gender preference”
There is no level of normality-abnormality in their lifestyle, their orientation doesn’t define such,
“I mean yung pamumuhay naman ng isang hindi straight na babae o hindi straight na lalaki it , homosexuals o ng asexuals it depends on them on how they will combat yung struggle nila sa society. And I’m definitely sure na merong discrimination merong judgment but I think they are trying their best to live normal life kasi yun sila, and that’s who they are and that’s what they are“
His message for the third sex community/words to live by:
“And the best thing to do wether you are homosexual, asexual or whether you are straight the best thing is to do is to be yourself, I mean the society will tell you to be this one, to be like that but at the end of the day you have to be yourself in order for them to live a normal life and I’m definitely sure na asexual people they are living a normal life.”
As for the media portrayal:
“Merong mga palabas na nagbibigay ng pagkakataon para mabigyan ng tamangv highlight ang mga homosexual and the rest of the genders.
nabibigyan sila ng tamang position, nabibigyan sila ng tamang chance para mai-uplift, para i-break, para sirain yung misconceptions ng society but at the same time meron din namang mga product ang media na kung saan highly nadi-discriminate talaga yung mga homosexuals, asexuals and even straight hindi sila nakakakaligtas sa diskriminasyon ng produkto ng media”
He is satisfied but he demands an egalitarian portrayal of the third sex community. He also mentioned that media must produce more portrayals of the third sex community because only enlightenment will remove misconceptions.
For Mr. Tolentino a movie plot with an ending of a gay becomes a straight character may or may not mock them he said,
“There might be points na kung saan yung ganong scenario yung ganong bakla at the end naging straight maaari syang maging discriminatory in nature pagdating sa ibang taong bahagi ng community but for me yung mga ganon kasi its an inspiration na there is a chance na for an individual whose gay, whose lesbian na there was always a chance na maging heterosexual o maging straight but of course meron pa din talaga na some at point na If you take a look at it carefully na pwede syang maging discriminatory. I mean It could be an inspiring chance na but at the same time pwedeng yung messages sabihin na magbago kayo kasi hindi kaayo tanggap”
“I mean that’s the only way para matanggap kayo ng society na pwedeng ,maging ganun yung dating ng message na bakla ka sa unang part ng story but at the end nagbago ka
I mean pwede nyang i-shape yung mind nung tao na pwede ka pang magbago para matanggap ka namin. But a the same time pwede ding maging inspiration. Yun yung sinasabi kong balance na magbibigay yung media ng produktong maaaaring pro o anti, but then yung society its up to them kung papano nila i-interpret and that’s how you weigh yung things na balanse may mga taong mag-accept may mga tao talagang hindi kayang tanggapin”
Disclaimer: Mr. Tolentino does not represent the opinion of the whole LGBT community, his opinion and views are of his own.
For the full interview of Mr. Tolentino.
GAY AS AN INSULT and THE ROLE OF MEDIA IN HUMAN SEXUALITY
Gaylord Fucker I mean Gaylord Focker, in the movie Meet the Fockers is funny. Understanding our language that gays and faggot used as a joke. Getting deeper, just recently; President Duterte calls Obama “a son of a whore” on September and US Secretary state John Kerry as “gay” ambassador on August is clearly used as an insult.
See the article .Click Here
Language is a system of words and sounds we use to express our thoughts and to communicate with. It has its own history of words, thinking how “gay” become an insult is because of the society’s history of persecuting homosexuals, gay as taboos in society.
We can manipulate language either to make someone feel good or bad. Meaning,the society has already place things before we born, that n-word is forbidden or to be gay is negative etc. In Wendy’s case she was bullied, sticks and stones might break her bones but these words will never hurt her because she’s an asexual. To those who mock her with these words is akin of labeling her as a part of the third sex is clearly used intending to insult her.
We are entitled to use language as free as we wanted, If we are free can’t we just use language with responsibility? Or open up our minds and ask ourselves where it came from? we can be enlightened and it is not too late. Others may not want to offend someone, we just need to be well-informed. I quote from the Huffingtonpost:
“To you, it may be “just a word.” If so, you are fortunate. A lot more fortunate than others who have a lot of pain and suffering tied to it. Sure, it’s not a big deal to everyone, but just because it doesn’t affect some people doesn’t mean it isn’t your obligation to care about who it may — and why.
The best depiction of the problem with this word, and one that forever changed the way I view it, was a scene from comedian Louis C.K.’s show, Louie. The particular scene is of him and his friends playing poker, poking fun at their gay friend, and asking a number of questions about “gay things.”
Louie asked him if he thought he shouldn’t be using the word “fag” on stage during his routines. His friend responded by saying:
I think you should use whatever words you want. When you use it on stage, I can see it’s funny, and I don’t care. But are you interested in what it might mean to gay men? Well, the word ‘faggot’ really means a bundle of sticks used for kindling in a fire. Now, in the middle ages, when they used to burn people they thought were witches? They used to burn homosexuals, too. And, they used to burn the witches at a stake, but they thought the homosexuals were too low and disgusting to be given a stake to be burnt on, so they used to just throw them in with the kindling, with the other faggots. So that’s how you get ‘flaming faggot.’
… You might wanna know that every gay man in America has probably had that word shouted at them while they’re being beaten up, sometimes many times, sometimes by a lot of people all at once. So, when you say it, it kind of brings that all back up. But, you know, by all means, use it. Get your laughs. But, you know, now you know what it means.
Be responsible. Hold yourself accountable. Pay attention to the words you use, the way you articulate yourself, and be aware of how the things you say may affect people around you. At the very least, take the time to understand the origin of a controversial term you use and the meaning it has for other people in our society before deciding not only whether or not you have the right to say it, but what feeling entitled to do so says about you.”
We may not be gays or faggots, but partaking in the use of these words consciously or subconciously with the intent to insult doesn’t excuse us from contributing to the homophobic society that we are now. Being homophobic is different from behaving like homophobic; We may not be homophobic but we behave like one.
THE ROLE OF MEDIA IN PORTRAYING HUMAN SEXUALITY
Media co-exist along with our love for knowledge after the invention of printing press people crave for more information, that was a long time ago. What is media today? And how does it portray human sexuality? According to Mr. Carlo Jake Martin, major in Media and Communications studies and a lecturer in University of the East,
“Basically it maintains the dominant ideology that men still rules the world, but how media portrays women really changes overtime. It changed when we look at it 20 or 30 years ago. It’s really a different thing now.”
Meaning media still under in relation of power and dominance but it increasingly portrays women positively.
Human sexuality is broad, how media portray other sexual orientations?,
“Well in terms of the LGBTQ community, I should say that the society is beginning to accept them, that the society is now more open to discuss things about them, to know more about them. And I think, media, especially Philippine media is now doing their part in enforcing gender equality. Not to mention that the creative industry is dominated by the LGBTQ community”
As for his example in the Philippine setting he said, “We have television series with women empowerment, stories about the LGBTQ community as themes. And these programs are highly-anticipated by the audiences if television ratings is our lone basis”
It is a good thing but our country as a right wing conservatives our media portayals are,
“Generally, conservative pa din ang pag-portray ng media ng sexuality. Although there are attempts, especially on indie films, and some on mainstream media to make the portrayal more liberated, I think the creators are still considering the fact that most Filipinos are conservative pa din”, he added.
If he is going to change the Philippine media he said,
“Well I’m glad and contented pa on how media portrays sexuality.
It’s a good thing that Media is evolving and positively increasing the portrayal of human sexuality in different platforms, still media has a long way to go in portraying even the gray parts of sexuality,
“Pero if we want to follow the trend of our contemporaries from the west, definitely malayo pa ang lalakbayin ng Philippine media. Pero for now, I’m satisfied. Mas gusto ko yung ganito na we’re open but at the same time we still respect the core values of our society” he added.
for the end, I quote from rappler’s script of asexuality,
“ANONYMOUS: Didn’t know what it meant until now. I imagine it must be boring to not have interest in sex.
We project, that is the reason it’s so hard for many of us to understand how another person can not need or want sex as much as we do. PLUS so many people have been brainwashed to think sex is the be-all and end-all of man and here, finally, are people who do not think this way and do not feel any angst about it. What they do feel angst about is that people don’t believe this is how they really feel, that just because person A can’t get his mind around not needing or wanting sex, he feels everyone else should need and want it”.